


Nightbird and the Fashion Designer: The Problems with Parenting

by Nicnac



Series: The Continuing Adventures of Nightbird and the Fashion Designer [4]
Category: DCU, Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crossover, Dysfunctional Family, Family, Gen, Humor, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-08 01:23:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5478056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicnac/pseuds/Nicnac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Superman and Lex Luthor might be gay for one another,  or they might just be a pair of loons. Either way, Kurt and Blaine are definitely not jealous of Kon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightbird and the Fashion Designer: The Problems with Parenting

**Author's Note:**

> Cover by the lovely [ctbn60.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ctbn60/pseuds/ctbn60)

  
  


This had by far been one of the strangest days of Kurt’s life. Well, maybe ‘by far’ was overstating the matter a little bit, seeing as Kurt was currently dating a superhero, was good friends with another superhero, had done some freelance design work for the costumes of a handful of other superheroes, and his apartment had become one of the unofficial hangouts of the younger superheroes: Cassie enjoyed the convenient access New York city shopping – though what constituted as convenient for someone with the ability to fly at supersonic speeds, Kurt didn’t know – and Bart had a bit of a crush on Rachel, something that Kurt assumed (read, hoped) was related to his and Steph’s deep love of musical theater. But it still had been a really weird day.

Kurt had been taking advantage of having a morning to himself to get a little cleaning done; Santana pretty much never cleaned, and while Rachel would get in a mood every couple of months or so and do a deep cleaning of everything, for the most part she was too busy with the drama of being Rachel Berry to bother herself with a broom and dust pan. Kurt didn’t mind doing all the day to day cleaning though, he got some of his best ideas while scrubbing down the pots and pans.

He had been doing just that, and pointedly ignoring the pieces of pottery at his feet from the mug that Kara had broken the day before and not picked up yet because she was suffering from the delusion that she didn’t have to if the breakage was caused by clumsiness and not careless usage of her powers, when there had been a knock on the door. Apparently Lex Luthor had seen Kurt’s work on various members of the Justice League and had been impressed enough that he wanted to contact Kurt in person about sprucing up the look of his power suit.

Kurt thought about saying no. After all, Lex Luthor was an evil supervillain, if a plausibly deniable one, and Kurt was sort of an ancillary support member of the Justice League. Then Kurt thought about his piddling little savings account.

Besides it wasn’t like Kurt was going to be helping Luthor commit crimes or anything. He was just going to help him look good while doing it.

So Kurt had followed Luthor out to the limo, which they had taken to the private plane, which had let them off at the Metropolis airport, where they had taken a helicopter to the roof of the LuthorCorp building, driven the whole way by Luthor’s chauffer/pilot/operator of any and every vehicle that existed, the gorgeous Grace and accompanied by Luthor’s two bodyguards the equally gorgeous Hope and Mercy. By the time Kurt saw Luthor’s also gorgeous personal assistant Charity, he was seriously reconsidering his vague theory that Luthor was gay for Superman. It had mostly been a joke, anyway.

At first, their conversation focused solely on potential designs; Kurt had some ideas of ways to compliment Superman’s outfit by contrasting that he sketched out for Luthor and got him very interested in. Somehow over the course of talking, they went from Kurt fixing up the exterior of the power suit to Kurt designing a whole set of outfits for when Luthor was supervillaining it up – not that Luthor called it that, exactly, but they both knew what he was referring to.

Once they reached Luthor’s office, Kurt found himself floored yet again by the amazing lunch spread, which happened to be almost entirely made up of Kon’s favorite foods. Luthor latched onto that offhand comment like a limpet, and suddenly their whole conversation was about Kon. Kurt was careful not to say anything that might give away Kon’s secret identity – not that Kurt actually knew what it was, but he had picked up a few things here and there – but other than that he didn’t really see the harm in it. Most fathers liked to know what was going on with their sons, didn’t they?

“No, he’s apparently actually very good at math, he just doesn’t like it,” Kurt was explaining when there was a sharp rap at the window. Both Kurt and Luthor looked up from where they were ensconced in the couches of the office’s lounge area and over to the massive line of windows behind Luthor’s desk. Floating in the air looking mostly exasperated, but a little bit like he was trying not to laugh, was Superman.

Luthor, not appearing the slightest bit surprised at the interruption, picked up the remote sitting on the coffee table between the two of them and pressed a button that caused the window to open. “Do you mind?” he said, all sharp impatience. “Mr. Hummel and I are trying to have a meeting.”

Superman drifted in through the now open window and touched down on the carpet near the end of the coffee table. “Oh yes, you kidnap Kurt and send both his boyfriend and our son into a state of panic, and yet somehow I’m the bad guy here,” he said, sounding a lot more amused that Kurt really felt any conversation between arch-nemeses warranted.

“I haven’t kidnapped anyone,” Luthor replied lazily. “Really, one would hope you’d be better at fact-checking; isn’t that part of your job?” Superman just rolled his eyes.

“He really didn’t kidnap me,” Kurt felt obliged to say. Sure, he hadn’t exactly realized that when he had been invited on this little meeting that it would be taking place in Luthor’s office in Metropolis, but there had never been a point during this whole thing that Kurt felt like he couldn’t get up and leave if he wanted to, which probably counted close enough.

“Wait a second, did you say Blaine was here?” Kurt asked, finally registering the other part of what Superman had said.

Superman nodded at Kurt before turning to give Luthor a pointed look. “Yes, they’re both waiting downstairs in the lobby.”

Luthor didn’t sigh so much as silently exude the idea of a sigh as he stood up and walked over to his desk with an air of long-suffering dignity. It was quite impressive to watch, actually. Once he reached the desk, he activated the intercom and said, “Charity, there are two young men down in the lobby, a Blaine Anderson and” – Luthor shot Kurt a suspicious look – “his guest. They’re here to pick up Mr. Hummel. Have Temperance escort them up.” Oh so, Kurt wasn’t allowed to know Superboy’s secret identity, but Lex Luthor was. God, superheroes and supervillains were weird.

“Happy now?” Luthor asked, once he was seated on the couch again.

Superman grinned sunnily at him. “Always.”

“Why are you even here?” Luthor asked.

“Did you not hear the part about Blaine and Kon being in a panic? If I hadn’t come they would have smashed through window and probably broken a fair number of other things too in their attempt to save Kurt. And you know how pissy you get when your things are broken.”

“I am the owner and CEO of a Fortune 500 company and renowned for my ability to stay calm under pressure. In fact, People magazine noted that as one of the top reason I was chosen as their sexiest man a few years back.” The ‘I do not get pissy’ was not spoken, but it was quite clear none the less.

“Yeah, well clearly People magazine never had to deal with you after they raided one of your morally dubious research facilities,” Superman retorted.

“Sorry, not to interrupt whatever this is,” Kurt said, motioning quickly back and forth between the other two, “but aren’t you both supposed to be archenemies?” Because the way they were bickering they were coming off more like brothers. Or maybe weirdly amicable ex’s, which didn’t put a new spin of Kon’s existence as much as suddenly cast an old spin in a new oddly plausible light.

“We are,” Luthor asserted while Superman simultaneously shrugged and said:

“Not really.”

Luthor whipped his head around to look at Superman. “Excuse me?”

“I’m not saying you aren’t evil or dangerous or anything, it’s just that I worry more about what things Brainiac is going to get up to,” Superman explained.

“Brainiac,” Luthor repeated, his voice flat with disbelief.

“If it helps, I think that if it came down to you versus Brainiac, you’d be the winner. Probably.”

“You better believe I could beat that overgrown toaster,” Luthor muttered angrily. Then he picked up the pad that Kurt had been using earlier to sketch out some quick rough drafts and began writing furiously on a new sheet. While he was distracted by that, Superman caught Kurt’s eye, and so quickly that Kurt could almost believe he imagined it, he winked at Kurt.

Holy crap, had Superman just manipulated Lex Luthor into taking down Brainiac for him? By making him _jealous_? That was… that was… well, it was something, that’s for sure.

The room was quiet for a minute, save for Luthor’s scribblings. Then there was a knock on the office door – two sharp raps – and another stunning woman, Temperance, Kurt assumed, opened it and ushered Kon and Blaine in.

“Kurt, you’re okay!” Blaine shouted, running up to him and wrapping Kurt firmly in his arms.

“Of course I am,” Kurt replied, giving Blaine a quick hug back. “Why in the world did you think I’d been kidnapped?”

“Rachel called. She said she came home, you were gone, Lex Luthor’s card was on the counter, and when she tried to call you, you didn’t answer your phone.”

Kurt pulled out his cell. “I put it on silent when I left the apartment earlier,” he explained, then he frowned when he read the screen. “Thirty-six missed calls and seventeen messages? I’ve only been gone for a few hours; don’t you think you’re overreacting a little bit?”

“But you left the dishes half-done and in the sink. You never leave anything half-done like that.” Kurt also never got approached by fabulously wealthy CEOs, who were willing to pay him obscene amounts of money for his designs. It had been a strange day. “And there was a mug broken on the floor like you had been in a struggle or something.”

“Kara broke that yesterday. Rachel was there when it happened,” Kurt protested.

“We were just worried about you,” Blaine said, giving Kurt a broken hearted puppy expression. Great, now _Kurt_ was the bad guy.

“I guess I could make sure to leave a note next time,” Kurt offered, and Blaine smiled at him.

“But he’s evil!” Kon objected very loudly, dragging Kurt and Blaine’s attention to the conversation going on between the other three men in the room. Kon was standing next to Superman, having placed Superman in between himself and Luthor, and was looking up at his father with open, yet sullen, defiance. Kurt thought the fact that Kon felt able to behave that way around Superman really spoke volumes for how much their relationship had improved; he’d have to point out how things could sort themselves out without their meddling to Rachel later.

“Kon! That’s rude; apologize to Lex.” Because apparently Kurt wasn’t allowed to call Lex Luthor by his first name, but Superman was. God, so weird.

“Didn’t _you_ just call me evil and dangerous not twenty minutes ago?” Luthor pointed out mildly.

“Yes, but when I say it, you take it as a compliment,” Superman said. “Besides, talking about people like they aren’t in the room is rude, Kon.”

Kon stared at Superman in disbelief, but when the older man showed no signs of relenting, Kon let out an annoyed gurgled sort of sigh. “I’m sorry, Luthor.”

“Kon,” Superman said warningly.

“I’m sorry, _Mister_ Luthor.”

Superman smiled sheepishly and gave a ‘what are you gonna do’ shrug. “See, not the worst thing ever. You can stand one hour while I go out and do a little patrolling.”

“Honestly, Superman, he doesn’t have to stay if he doesn’t want to,” Luthor said. “I’m not going to force my son to do anything he doesn’t want to do.”

Superman rolled his eyes. “Stop being a martyr Lex, it isn’t a good look on you.”

“I’m sorry, which of us is the martyr?”

“I bet _Rachel’s_ dads never fight like this,” Kon muttered.

Kurt cleared his throat loudly and Superman and Luthor started, having clearly forgotten that Kurt and Blaine were even in the room. “I think I have enough to get started with for now,” Kurt said to Luthor, “so why don’t Blaine and I just head out and we can touch bases later about how everything is coming.”

“Of course,” Luthor said. He tore the three pages he had written all over out of the pad and handed the rest back to Kurt. “Tell Charity I said for Grace to give the both of you a lift home, and I’ll call you next week to check in on your progress.”

“Sounds great,” Kurt said, and both he and Blaine high-tailed it out of there.

By some miracle, they actually made it out into the hallway with the door shut behind them before bursting into laughter.

* * *

 

“So?” Rachel asked much later after Kurt and Blaine had gotten back to his apartment. “Is Lex Luthor secretly madly in love with Superman?”

“God, who even knows?” Kurt answered. “Supervillains and superheroes are weird and confusing.”

“Hey!” Blaine objected.

“Sweetie, you run around from rooftop to rooftop spouting one liners and stopping crazy people from poisoning the water supply. Your life is weird.” Blaine pouted and Kurt smiled at him, bumping their shoulders together. “You’re just lucky I’m in way too deep to ever break up with you.”

Blaine smiled back at him and kissed him. And, Kurt thought, even if it had been a really, really strange day, it had also been a good one.


End file.
